Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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