I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
