i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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