what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
