WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
