Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
