Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
