Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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