Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
