fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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