so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
