smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
