while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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