there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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