accomplished twins. life is a go
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
