Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
