Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
