I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Someone came in the potted fern
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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