your parents love me but you hate me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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