So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
