she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
