found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
