Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
