I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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