Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
