The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
