That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
