I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got chris browned last night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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