just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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