His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
