Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
