the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
