I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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