so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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