good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i think i just lost a toe
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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