my vag is so smooth its legendary
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it because I queefed?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
