I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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