remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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