you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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