Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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