I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
