so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
