I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
