My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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