That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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