it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
