I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
