Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
