So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
