dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
