oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
