Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
