Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
