Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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