haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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