Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
