dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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