hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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