that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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