I just pynch a tree in the face
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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