Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize