dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
