just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
