There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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