all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
