even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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