did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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