You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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