There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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