Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
