Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
